


Brother Dearest

by orphan_account



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Vampire Diaries
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-16
Updated: 2009-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-03 01:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angelus wakes up to find he has a brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brother Dearest

**Author's Note:**

  * For [springgreen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/springgreen/gifts).



When Angelus woke up on Thursday afternoon, he had a brother. In all fairness, he had previously been up for seventy-two hours plotting against Buffy. Surely even a Slayer couldn't stand against the lethal combination of Vegetius' De Re Militari, Sun Tzu's Art of War\--it was no secret that the Watchers' training paid notoriously scant attention to even very famous non-Western classics--and a strategy guide for Starcraft. (Harris might be playing that last, but he knew Giles wasn't likely to take Harris seriously.)

Anyway, sleep deprivation worked just as well on vampires as it did on humans. The lean, darkly smiling man in the doorway might have been anyone or no one. But the conviction that he was Angelus's brother, of all things, lingered in a troubling way.

"For someone who is always going on about watching the perimeter, you're awfully lax about yours," the stranger said.

"Did I invite you in?" Angelus said. He rose.

The man coughed. "You think wearing that face makes you human? I don't need an invitation."

"You could be polite," Angelus said dryly. In a blur he grabbed a Conté pencil from the table by the bed. The stranger kicked it out of his hand.

"You and your art supplies," the stranger said.

"If it's going to take me more than five minutes to dispatch you, I want to know your name--" The uppercut Angelus threw on the last word failed to land. Annoyingly, the stranger had a fencer's awareness of the distance between them and the position of his feet.

The stranger's smile tipped one corner of his mouth higher than the other, like the balance of a soul gone hellward. "I'm Damon, brother dear," he said.

Even demons are capable of irony. Angelus's reflexive mockery of the name stopped dead in his throat. So he went after the easier target. "You're not one of Darla's, he said.

Damon shrugged. "I never like to keep track of the genealogies, myself. Anyway, I came by to see what was taking you so long with this girl. Don't you think a man your age ought to have better things to do than hit on high schoolers?"

Angelus angled himself so he could make an attempt at retrieving the shamshir on the opposite wall. No such luck. Damon's eyes narrowed: he knew what was up.

"Vampires are evil," Angelus said, feigning patience. "We do evil things."

"I still don't see what you could possibly have in common with her."

"I'm not exactly planning a June wedding and happily ever after." At some point Angelus had lost control of the conversation. He contemplated trying for the shamshir anyway. The best visitor was a silent visitor.

"Well," Damon said reasonably, "do as you please. It's nice to see someone in touch with their inner demon for once."

Was this joker trying to flatter him?

"So," Damon continued, "how can I give you a hand?"

"Did you fail to read the handbook for creatures of the night?" Angelus demanded. "We bully others into submission. We never make alliances without backstabbing each other. We're not _altruistic_."

Damon said, with almost perfect sincerity, "But we're _family_."

"You'll notice that I staked Darla, and that was when I was _good_."

"I won't go down that easily."

Angelus laughed, then. "Is that a challenge?"

"You'll find me a more experienced opponent than the girl," Damon promised.

"Buffy first," Angelus said, serious again. "Then you."

"We'll take her down together."

Then Angelus snatched the shamshir and beheaded Damon with it anyway.

* * *

The moral of this story is: never trust an evil vampire, especially if he's your brother.


End file.
